Living with near daily headaches has undermined my self confidence. Slowly, daily pain has eroded my belief in my ability to do things, all sorts of things. Taking a long walk, riding my bike, working in the garden, going on excursions with my friends, taking care of my grandson, doing art work, holding down a job – have all been compromised by my head pain. I’ve become cautious.
My life is circumscribed by pain and pills, fatigue and reduced stamina. I used to ride my bike all over town. Now, I stick to my neighborhood and about a 2 mile radius from home. I used to walk a lot. I still walk but not too far since either foot pain or fatigue is a regular visitor. I’m a weaver and I used to weave a lot, but again, headaches and foot injury has meant I haven’t sat down to weave in a long time. The upshot is that, slowly but surely I’ve become convinced that I’m incapable of a full range of activities, work and play, that make for a balanced healthy life and cheerful attitude.
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| Ladies of the Lake (and a gentleman too) |
A Swim across the lake
Recently I went to the Lake with a group of friends for an annual late-summer swim across and back. I’ve been hesitant to try the whole distance before, but this time, with a rescue boat in the water and a surf board to latch onto if needed, I struck out and made it all the way across and back, a small but important triumph and a sorely needed boost in self confidence.
A Walk to the Saturday Market
The next week I took a walk with my friend Lee and doubled my usual mile and a half limit. I have been limping around with achilles tendonitis for more than two years. Walking has always been a pleasure for me, but I fell, and all of a sudden that simple pleasure was no longer available. I couldn’t do it. Finally almost 3 years later, my feet are not totally healed but close enough, I decided, for a challenge. We took off for the market at a brisk pace – and made it – there and back. I went home feeling more intact and whole than I had in a long time.
A Morning in the studio
Yesterday I went to the studio, sat down at my big loom and wove for an hour and a half – a triumph. I’ll be back there soon. Tho’ not great for swimming, winter is good weaving weather. None of this is a big deal until it is because you just don’t have the pain-free time or energy to pull it off. So I feel good about walking and weaving and swimming, and I plan to file my memory of these events away to lift me up the next time I’m under water instead of on top of it.