Bother me!

Drop-ins welcome

Not showing up

There are 14 million of us living with daily headache.  Chronic migraine means we are often unavailable for the activities and people we love.

We may not show up or we may have to leave early because of pain, nausea, severe fatigue and a host of other symptoms.  We’re not dependable companions.  But everyday and every person is different.  Personally, I have spaces in my days and weeks when I’m more or less ok, maybe not great but functional to a degree.

Still, not showing up is a problem.  You begin to lose connection, feel out of touch.  Pretty soon friends and even family make the assumption that you probably can’t do x or come to y or maybe you won’t want to.  They begin to be afraid that they might bother you if they call or just show up at your door.  They may make the assumption that you’ll call when you’re up to doing something, and until then, unsolicited calls or contacts will be intrusive.

Fear and loathing

Most of us are afraid of serious illness.  No one wants to believe he or she might be afflicted with pain and suffering, and being around people who are sick may tap into profound fears.  It’s icky, too much of a reminder that you too might succumb.  It may be hard for others to know what to do or say to someone who is pain.

Busy

Then there’s the busy factor.  We’re a busy culture with the constants of work, family and just keeping up with the demands of the lives we’ve chosen.  We all live with schedules and calendars, but perforce, those of us with severe headaches march to a different rhythm than others.  It puts us at odds with the prevailing pace.  I function best when I can do what my body feels like at any given time or day, but that often, means I do it alone because everyone else is already committed.  It’s complicated and difficult, this dance with our bodies and life around us.

Home alone – isolation

Most of us spend way more time around the house than we’d like – recuperating from the last headache or working up to the next one.  But, personally, unless I’m in the thick of it, I like to see people.  Sometimes if I plan ahead to do things, I’m able to juggle my pain and other meds so I actually can show up.  I have a friend, Ernie, who lives in the neighborhood.  He calls or texts 3 or 4 times a week and often drops by for coffee in the morning to consult my husband about projects, talk about his art work or just chat.  He doesn’t stay long.  He’s a busy guy.  But I love it when he appears at my door.  Sometimes it makes my morning and usually, often, I can join in.

A Solution – Finding community